Once Upon a Time
by Johnnycake EDR
Summary: A pointless oneshot. Yes...it has something to do with a Mary Sue...slaying, of course...


**Disclaimer: I do not own LotR and the Mary-Sue.**

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Once Upon a Time...

"Once upon a time, there was a young girl. She was celebrating her sweet 16 on the very day that will change her life forever..."

**"Are you serious? How many times have I heard that before? Too many times..."**

"She blew out the candles that were on her cake. She made the cake all by herself. Well, how else could she have a cake? I mean, her father is abusive, ever since her mother died, and all her friends abandoned her. Why? Because her good looks distracted all the guys. Her eyes were blue, but often would change to many unnamed colors. Her hair was beautiful. It would amazingly change color with every emotion she felt. And her skin was smooth pale porcelain. She was absoloutly breath-taking..."

**"What kinda bull$!t was that? Who in this world of ours has hair that changes color with every fricken emotion? Never mind...stupid question...the Sue has gone too far..."**

"The candles she also made herself were blown out and since the lights were off, she couldn't see. That is, she couldn't see if she didn't have amazingly good eyes. Suddenly..."

**"Here it comes..."**

"The ground began to shake. She gracefully fell and hit her head. Only to black out..."

**"...nothing new...wait...how can you gracefully fall?"**

"When she woke up, she looked around...only to find a dense forest. The creatures of this forest seemed to notice the injured beauty...the came toward her, and she, knowing the language of all animals, asked them for help."

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A lady was watchingthis video, sent to her by a spy. The spy was supposed to give her footage of a Mary-Sue. This Mary-Sue will be hunted down, until she had died. She worked for **Sues Slayers**. A secret society of assassins that only target the Mary-Sue.

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"The animals lead her to the edge of the forest, were a feast was being held by the king of the forest. His son, prince Legolas was by his father's side, looking bored. The girl limped toward him, asking for help. Prince Legolas, was shocked at her beauty. She was the most beautiful thing on the face of Middle-Earth!" 

**O.O**

**"...right..."**

"He immediately fell in a deep love for this girl, and she for him."

**"All right, that's enough."**

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She briskly walked towards the VCR, and harshly took out the tape. Walking out of the dark room, she went down the hall. The Halls of Mandos. Stopping at a door, she quickly knocked. It was a metal door with the words "Nippip" On it. The door slid open as a voice told her to come in. 

"Another one?" The voice asked.

"Ya, don't worry, you'll get paid extra for this one..."

"Alright, fine."

The source of the voice stepped out into the light.

...It...

It was...Pippin! He was dressed in a black tuxedo and black sunglasses.

"Why are you wearing sunglasses? Isn't it dark in here already?" The lady asked.

"Ya...I know...but it adds to the...uhh...ummm...whatever..." Pippin replied unsure of what he was going to say.

"Anyway, do you need an assistant?" The lady asked.

"Sure...it gets lonely..."

"Ok then, I'll come." The lady said.

You probably don't know who the lady was...she was Aredhel. Daughter of Fingolfin, and the White Lady of Gondolin; the Hidden Rock. If you have read the Silmarillion, she is adventurous, and always dressed in silver and white. There is more about her...but you don't need to know that now.

The duo, with the power of the stupid authoress on their side, transported to the place where that Sue was spotted

Aredhel whipped out her long metre stick. She then followed Pippin, who was holding a super soaker squirt gun.

"C'mon, this way!" Pippin whispered as the tried to sneak in the house. It was a wreck. Quietly jumping through the window, they tip-toed to the bathroom, andjumped in the toilet.

Have you ever read those girl falls into ME stories that land there in a wreck? Now you know why. The portal to ME is through the toilet. Don't try it at home. Well...don't try it anywhere.

The duo traced the steps of the Mary-Sue with ease as the animal prints lead them. Of course, it's the animal prints, since she's to 'light weight'. There, they saw the Sue. She was riding to battle, with her shining amour and long sword.

Pippin jumped out of the woods into the field. He charged against the purple horse, and shot it with his huge water gun. The Mary-Sue melted as the horse turned to its original form. Aredhel walked towards Legolas. He was in a permerment daze because of the Mary-Sue, and almost died of 'heart break'. Shewhacked him in the head with her metre stick, and that took him out of the mind control.

The Mary-Sue, in liquid form,was poured in a pickle jar, and Middle-Earth was finally at peace.

..That is...until...

**"Once upon a time, there was a young girl..."**

The moral of the story? None. It is completely pointless. Now be off with you...

Still not gone? You wanna know what ever happened to the Sue in the pickle jar? Fine.

Oh wait...you doorbell's ringing...looks out side your window to see a Black-haired mail-woman, dressed in white and silver with a metre stick uh oh…

IT'S THE PICKLE JAR!

…mwahahahahaha…

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**Ya, I know...it's completely pointless...but whatever...Happy Holidays!**

**Elven Dragon Rider**

**p.s. Ya...I know my grammer and spelling sucks...**


End file.
